La Dolce Musto [ LINK ]

by Michael Musto
April 4th, 2005 5:55 PM

But who cares about Tony-grubbing old musicals? I just won a real award, people! A GLAAD? Well, no, it was the even more important fraank, dedicated to "fags recognizing artists actually needing kudos"! The honor was given on FRANK DECARO's Sirius OutQ radio program to everyone from myself to axed Air America host LIZZ WINSTEAD (a friend of the gays), who told me off the air, "They replaced us with Jerry Springer! How embarrassing!"

This ceremony—live from the Dorothy Zbornak Pavilion—was all about triumph as we were handed commemorative mugs designed for holding our old sour grapes. Honoree LADY BUNNY called in from Miami (she was there for spring break, no doubt) and said, "There are so many hot Latin men here that with all the meat and cheese I'm eating, it's been easy to stay on my Atkins diet." "Hag of the century" Winstead controversially announced, "The way you people spread disease around the world leaves more for me at the buffet table!" And ROBERT VERDI seemed genuinely touched, though fellow winner BOBBY RIVERS (of the Food Channel) lamented, "If GARY COLEMAN played me in a TV movie, he'd get a GLAAD Award and the free grilled-chicken-breast dinner I've long been denied!" And even for a gay man, there's nothing sadder than a free breast held just out of reach.